March 4th 2008

Bride Price - NOT ABOUT "BUYING AND SELLING" WOMEN
Must be understood in a broader cultural context, which takes into account the differences between societies structured around gift-giving and those structured around a market economy.

• must ask for parents permission to marry; parents charge a bride price
• culture in New Guinea Wesch worked with considers the daughter to be a gift when approving marriage
• the gift of a daughter is extending a bond across two families (bonding these families together for life)

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/07/09/magazine/09BRI.html

http://family.jrank.org/pages/181/Bride-Price.html



Dowry - Giving the bride and her new family her share of the family wealth at marriage.




http://www.indianchild.com/dowry_in_india.htm

http://www.wsws.org/articles/2001/jul2001/ind-j04.shtml



Arranged Marriage
Arranged marriages are the bringing together of two families, not just a husband and wife. There is too much at stake to leave it up to "love." Love and Marriage have not ALWAYS gone together like a horse and carriage.

• love and marriage is extremely unique in history (and a recent concept)
• http://www.pardesiservices.com/tradition/arrangedmarg.asp
  
  

The story of Tristan and Isolde (11th-13th Centuries)
illustrates our ideas of love. We can weave this story together with contemporary poetry (pop music) to show the continuity of ideas about love.

• our ideas of love are very old (steming back to mythology 800 yrs. ago)

The Five Themes of Love that we can identify in Tristan and Isolde can also be found in contemporary poetry (feel free to add your own examples:

1. Money and status should not matter:
Isolde is destined to be a princess. Tristan is a great knight, but otherwise a poor orphan, sent to bring her to King Mark. Love should not be tarnished by money	Beatles I'll buy you a diamond ring my friend if it makes you feel alright I'll get you anything my friend if it makes you feel alright 'Cause I don't care too much for money, money can't buy me love The Way I Are - Timbaland
2. Strikes from Nowhere
They get thirsty on the boat and find something that they think is wine. It is actually a love brew. Love is something that happens to you, you cannot create or force it	Cupid's Chokehold
3. Makes you crazy
The love brew makes them crazy in love	Beyonce - Crazy in Love
4. Love is Painful
The Nurse says, "You have drunk your death." Tristan: "If by death, you mean this agony of love, that is my life, and I accept it. Loving someone without receiving that same love in return will become extremely revealing of your character Possibly the most painful thing a person can experience	Haddaway - What is Love
5. Love is divine.
Tristan continues, "If by death, you mean the punishment we are to suffer if discovered, I accept that." But here is the kicker: "And if by death, you mean eternal punishment in the fires of hell, I accept that too." Love is DIVINE. It is a direct challenge to the traditional society, the order of arranged marriage, and the Catholic church. CS Lewis called it the most serious rival religion at the end of the middle ages.	Randy Travis: Forever and Ever

Divininty of Love can be seen in modern translation ( The Fountain ):

Tristan and Isolde NEVER MARRY.

Love and Marriage don't come together until 17th Century.
AMONG THE PROPERTY-LESS POOR. - they have nothing to lose!

A structural history of love to suggest how love and marriage ultimately came together.
history: one thing that happens after another
stuctural history: how social and cultural aspects influenced each other

Increased division of labor - Increased division of labor – market economy (commodity culture) – increased individualism (mobility, there is a need to find a whole), increased freedom and anomie (too many choices, lost) – romantic love marriage: started amongst the poor

• increased freddom and anomie go hand in hand
• fighting the "right person" answers the correct option in or head (of anomie)
• we all feel lost most o the time and handle this by
  • shopping
  • finding our "soul mate"

conspicuous consumption: consuming in a way that shows other people how you are consuming

Two metaphors compete in our culture:
1. falling in love
2. love will find you if you wait